excited!

as i look toward 2009, i can't help but get excited.

for so long (the whole of 2008) i've had to calm my anxious heart... in an attempt to not get too excited so that i don't become too disappointed.

2008 began with a cautious hope of having our daughter by june - my 31st birthday.
that quickly dissolved into a holding out for september, post-olympic fever.
which all too painfully became a realization that we wouldn't have our baby home for CHRISTmas...
and became more of a very un-fun game of waiting out 2008.

last night as daddy & i lay in bed daydreaming - we like to do that from time to time - daddy brought up the possibility of having you join us this spring. now wouldn't that be just awesome? to have our hope/tree of life sprout at such a joyous time!?!

i've worked so hard at wrapping my heart up in layers of protection (much like bubble wrap, easily popped, minus the fun)... holding out for may or june.

these thoughts have held me captivated.
receiving you in may brings to mind great anticipation as that could be my 1st mommy's day with you in my arms... or celebrating our 10 year anniversary with you - a product of our hearts!
june is good too as i can't think of a better gift for daddy on his 1st daddy's day! june would also be the 2 year mark of waiting, waiting, waiting for you, which also happens to coincide with my birthday. could there be a better BIRTHday gift than that of you being BIRTHed into our family!?!

with such wonderful thoughts, i had a very hard time falling asleep last night!!!

in reality, i'm still very cautiously optimistic towards the possibility of a sooner-rather-than-later time frame to our lil' one...

even so, i am one excited mommy-to-be!

18 months...

today marks the 18 month anniversary since our lid (log in date).

surely this means we're in the home stretch (relatively speaking)?

either way, i know you, my lil' red butterfly (or silver dragon) will be worth every minute of the wait!

we hope on this december day that you are warm, well fed, smiled upon, talked to, played with, and held.

please know your mommy & daddy are anxiously anticipating the day when we can meet all these needs for you... and lavish you with love!

this december is not so merry...

got some hard news this week.

apparently, the "living in china expediteds" were not given referrals (assigned babies) this month. this makes the 4th month this year that we have been skipped.

where we are in the process:
we are logged in for june 20, 2007. at present april 2007 referrals are next in line...

we don't expect much in the way of referrals for january or february 2009 as there is usually little progress on this side of the ocean during new year & chinese new year.

naturally, this most recent delay takes the merry out of the season - but it does help us to keep the focus where it really belongs - on a baby named Jesus.

looking forward to celebrating his birth this CHRISTmas season while holding on to hope for our own miracle baby in 2009!

6.11.07 - 12.08.08 thoughts...

december 8, 2008
as i have reflected on some of the many reasons i am thankful this season i have had an epiphany of sorts.
i always knew i wanted to be intentional in my marriage and in raising my children.
i want to be intentional to not repeat certain mistakes and intentional to incorporate certain concepts and ways of doing things into my life and the life of our family.
i recently realized that had we been granted children back when we first expected to have them, my intentionality would have been good, but not enough. through this long wait to parenthood we have both read books, had many serious conversations, been privy to watching how other people raise their children, and have more seriously considered what intentional parenting looks like. though we wish we didn't have to endure the long-suffering of waiting for our children, we're grateful for dad's grace to us and our future family because of it.

november 1, 2008
did you know that we are not totally sure if our referral will be a girl or a boy?
with approximately 90% of referrals being girls we just assume that our child will actually be a girl. but we didn't really specify that we only wanted a girl. however, we were surprised to learn that one of our friends actually received a referral for a boy after requesting only a girl. so, it is still possible that our long prayed for child will be a boy.
if that is the case, our little red butterfly will morph into a silver dragon!
...and what would we do with all those pink girly clothes lovingly bought for and given to our little one? well you see, here in the big c boys wear pink too... so we'll just have to go native on this one! ha!

october 23, 2008
thoughts about our last christmas...
looks like we'll spend our last christmas with out you
this year.
we thought that last year.
but this year we're certain will be the last...
and next year you'll be a glorious reminder of the greatest gift of all-
life!
and we'll celebrate the light who is also life with you.
that will be a splendid christmas!
until then we wait and praise God
that he's given us incredible peace
for the days we traverse without you.
we love you, little one.

july 2008:
recently this song came to my mind and i found myself daydreaming of you again...
"there she goes" - sixpense none the richer
there she goes
there she goes again
racing through my brain
and i just can't contain
this feeling that remains
there she goes
there she goes again
pulsing through my veins
and i just can't contain
this feeling that remains
there she goes
there she goes again
racing through my brain
and i just can't contain
this feeling that remains
there she goes
there she goes again
she calls my name,
pulls my train
no one else could heal my pain
i just can't contain
this feeling that remains
there she goes
there she goes again
chasing down my lane
and i just can't contain
this feeling that remains
there she goes
there she goes
there she goes

june 19, 2008:
a year ago
a year ago today ccaa logged us into their system.
translation: a year ago today our wait for you "officially" began in the eyes of china.
a year ago today we were told we would be holding you in our arms by now.
reality: we hope to hold you in our arms by year end 2008.
a year ago today i did a little dance... and it wasn't pretty, but it got my point across. i was happy!
now: i've replaced my funky little dance with a chance to sway with daddy and dream of you while doing so.
a year ago today i told anyone who would listen, "we're gonna have a baby!"
today: our house is filled with baby stuff 'cause everybody knows "we're gonna have a baby!"
a year ago today and every day i hold to this: every day that passes is one day closer to you...

april 9, 2008:
we are so excited to report that some of our east side friends recently received their referral for their little girl. their official wait was 15 months. please be in prayer with us that the wait would not increase (many speculate the olympics might grind everything to a halt). we are eager to have, hold, comfort, and love on our lil' red butterfly!

december 31, 2007:
nothing new to report other than... we're thankful for the prep time dad is giving us before hiring us for the most important job we'll ever have: parenthood!
well, there you have it! my positive spin on the agonizing wait to our little girl... or girls!
glass 1/2 full... glass 1/2 full... glass 1/2 full...

our thoughts during 2007:
two steps forward. one step back:
east side friends who have been waiting for their baby for 12 months recently asked our adoption agency about the increased wait time for expedited cases and was told that the wait time could be as long as 18 MONTHS... as you can imagine, this news seems devastating to us as we had originally considered waiting 15 months to be the "worst case scenario" for receiving our little girl. please join us in prayer for expediency, and of course, for joy and patience as we wait on dad's perfect timing.

prior to the surprise baby shower (august 28, 2007) and the west side e-baby shower (september 8, 2007), i found myself in a "lull" - aka: the wait. understandably, the "lull" is a difficult time for most expectant parents as the days of preparing for baby (either by submitting paperwork or decorating the nursery) have come to an end and there's seemingly nothing left to do to bring your baby closer to you. but there is joy and hope... dad's word says: "hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." proverbs 13:12 it is because of these words that we decided to change our children's nickname form squirt (an affectionate name from finding nemo) to sprout...

here's some articles obout adoption i would like to pass along:

research articles on adoption in china:
http://research-china.blogspot.com/
or if you are simply interested in china adoption:
http://www.myadoptionwebsite.com/chinaadoptionstories.com
also waiting? check out this put-it-all-in-perspective article:
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1246

our expected wait (for expedited adoption) is between 10-12 months from the log in date. <<>> obviously, we're praying for sooner, rather than later! we're expected her to be born any day now and though we don't know who she is or where she is living, one thing is for sure, she's growing in our hearts...

please pray with us now for a quick and smooth union.